there's literally no way

Instant gratification is a strange, untamable baby kitten.  Just remember the four E's.  Apples, bananas, coconuts, dalmatians.  I'm sorry that your poochy belly makes me hand you the blue marker and I'm sorry that I use nylon to to do my dirty work.  It's just that you smile too much.  And it's just that you should know, know that your wide-eyed, loud-mouthed, high-pitched exaltations, know that they're too wide, too loud, too high.  I am a chinchilla!